I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
