He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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