I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
