does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
