that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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