I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
