that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
