I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
