shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
