Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
