That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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