I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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