We need to rekindle our bromance
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
