you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Your penis caused this!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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