Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
