I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
