yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
