i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
