So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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