??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
