yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
