I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
