In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
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