I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
