Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
