That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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