So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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