At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
