You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
