went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I wear drunk well.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
