just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just pee around me
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
