you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
