i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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