If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
