so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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