I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Two words: blizzard sex
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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