Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
