We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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