So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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