Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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