you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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