It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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