when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
