my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
