she kept yelling 'call me bella'
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
