Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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