I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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