Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
