I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
