Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
