we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
