Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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